PANDEM(ONIUM)IC

Part 1:

What did I do during my time off?

Well, not write blogs clearly… but a lot! I am creating a 3-part series because there is too much for one blog, and I don’t expect people to read a novel about me… yet. 😉

First two weeks: Panic. For me panicking looks like the little Wall-E robot, M.O. For those of you who haven’t seen Wall-E, watch it, but for time purposes, just know that I was obsessively cleaning and organizing anything and everything I could, (cleaning was my “M.O.”) I finally shifted my calendar over to a different service, I added all of my client’s info into a nice organized system for emails, I reprogrammed everyone so they could do them at home with bodyweight or household items. My kitchen cabinets were organized perfectly, which also lead to a deep clean of the refrigerator, and organization of our storage room and laundry room. I started reading a book, organized any and all files I had, went full force into filming instructional videos for my clients, tried to cancel our trip we had planned to Italy in April, and made my husband super anxious because I. Don’t. Stop. I try to control things, and when the normal things I control are changed, I shift my focus to something else. (He also works in the gym industry, but was unable to do anything for his work since he works for a larger organization.) We only got in a few arguments because of this, and it was partly because he is normally at work and doesn’t see how I function on that deep of a level, and partly because my constant movement made him feel that he should be doing something too. Oh, but one thing that I loved immediately was getting to see my husband and dogs so much. I love them deeply and they are all very calming for me, almost all the time.

First two months: After the two weeks above, we started to figure things out a little more. I have made spreadsheets to track my business and figured that I could still be okay without unemployment for a month or two, it would just cut into my gym savings a little, but what are savings for if not to use them when you need to, right? We were reading books, having morning coffee together, taking the doggos out on morning walks before coming in to watch a show, and then I would go to work. Work on what you ask? Everything, still slightly panicky, but starting to set boundaries for myself (and some were set by Adrian, which I now appreciate but was a little butt hurt at first. I don’t like being told what to do by anyone, hence why I own my O.W.N. business, *snaps with finger guns* but he was right to do so because he saw what was happening to me aka ball of stress and anxiety.) I started to prioritize where I put my time a little better, and realized that I never took enough time to work on myself. When you’re in a field where you’re always helping others, it’s very easy to put yourself on the backburner, which can be fine for a while… but are you really leading by example then? Are you really able to provide the best experience for those around you if you’re never replenishing yourself? Things started to shift inside me.

Doggos: They would love for us to never have to leave again. We went on walkies all the time, we trained them a little better, we got to see them start to love each other more (OMG, my heart hurts when they lick each other’s faces,) and Jack will no longer be fat-shamed by the vet. To be fair, he was overweight and it was bothering his knee/hip. The vet tried to put him on a “weight loss” food, but I look at the ingredients and they were junk and fillers. I asked the vet if it was temporary, and she said that most people just leave their dogs on it since they usually have weight problems. I never realized a vet visit could be so triggering for me lol, but it was. I asked for other options and she said with a snarky tone “well, not really unless you’re going to track every calorie he eats.” BAHAHAHAHA, ummmmm, YEAH, I can do that. I did it to myself for years in an unhealthy way, and now I finally get to use those skills for good instead of evil. Jack would argue that it’s evil, but his weight is healthy, his energy is better, and he suddenly likes belly rubs! Thanks, former Shea, your torturous behaviors that you did to yourself actually turned into a positive for your pup! It happened for a reason.

Anyways, they love us, they love each other, and our family is so happy to be around each other whenever we can.

So, to sum it up, the beginning started with anxiety and survival mode. Then, filled with organization, not to avoid dealing with what was going on, but to process things, which I do by moving my body and clearing my mind of clutter. We finally got into a “flow,” but that’s for next time!

Stay healthy, stay safe, and stay strong!

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