Well, well, well… Look at this new blog. It’s only taken uuuhhhh…. a few years to get another one up. BUT, instead of feeling ashamed that it’s taken me so long, I am just excited to be doing it again. Also, I’ve been busy and haven’t had the energy to produce something up to my standards, and I didn’t want to do it just to do it. I care about this stuff, and I want to make it worth reading because I respect other people’s time.
Why has it taken so long? Peep the post before this- I opened a gym in the middle of a pandemic. 😀 And a bunch of life stuff happened. This is about some of the life stuff and what I learned about myself.
Since opening, the business grew so much in the first year that Adrian was able to come over full time (which was both of our goals!) A few months after he came over, we moved into a really wonderful house with two huge yards for the doggos after an especially rough living situation. We did what we needed to do to get where we wanted to be, but it took a toll on the whole family and we were so excited to have this new oasis.
Shortly after we moved houses, Adrian’s business started to really get up and running… and then he had a major injury that required surgery, and he needed to take a few months off of work. That meant that the business was back to being just me for a little while- clients, programming, bills, accounting, some annoying building issues, other businesses being bad at what they do/not caring, all of it.
On top of that, I am also a human outside of my business, and Adrian is my husband, not just my coworker. I was worried about him. I was trying to take care of the dogs and not let them feel stressed or neglected. I was trying to keep our wonderful/huge plant collection alive. I had to make sure I had everything set up for him when I left since he couldn’t get around super well. AND, then I had to run both of our businesses, keep everyone programmed and cared for, try not to leak my stress and anxiety onto them, and we got an influx of training inquiries. BAHAHAHAHAhahahhhh *cries a little* easy-peasy, right? (Side note: all of our peeps are so freaking wonderful, patient, and really care about Adrian and I both as people, so they made the “client” part of this super easy.)
Adrian did a great job recovering from his surgery, working with our bodyworkin’ peeps a.k.a. a variety of manual therapists, and was ahead of schedule the whole time, but in a safe way, not just a “checking a box” kind of way. He transitioned back into working, and steadily increased his hours. The dogs did great the whole time and really loved having “Dad” home full time again. The house plants survived (mostly) and I got to vent my anxiety and stress through the yard work of keeping everything maintained. Things slowly started to regulate and improve.
BUT, even though Adrian was good, our business was doing well, and I now had more time outside of client hours, I had ZERO energy for anything other that the things I absolutely had to do. I constantly thought about writing blog posts, doing YouTube videos to help peeps out, developing a course so I could teach people to do what we do for themselves, etc. SO. MANY. IDEAS. so. little. energy. I felt guilty that I wasn’t able to do it. AND THEN, I realized that there was nothing to feel guilty about, and it was finally time to take care of myself.
There is nothing to feel guilty about for doing what you need to do to keep yourself well. This is a new pattern for me still, since I’ve always given too much of myself to others and end up feeling drained or even getting so rundown I would get physically ill.
Life gets super stressful sometimes, it can take a lot out of you, and sometimes you just need to grind through it and get your sh*t handled. But when you can, you need to make sure you give yourself space to regulate after those times. You need to give yourself space to repattern your habits and thoughts, and guess what… it happens slowly with no specific timeframe, you need to be intentional about it, and like with every adjustment to habits or patterns, it’s not a perfect upward trajectory, it’s bumpy (and for me, super emotional… Like, I had to cry all of the tears I held back my entire life because the dam finally broke and there was no stopping it.)
So, I am slowly, intentionally adding things I want to back in, when I feel I can. NOT all at once like I really want to, but I’m testing things out and seeing what I have space for. I pay closer attention to how I am breathing when I do something, or where in the world my shoulders are (Up = bad.) I pay attention to when I start to feel stress and I adjust vs. pushing through because I think I can, and then having a panic attack. My phrase to Adrian is “the b*tchslaps keep getting bigger until you are forced to listen.” He experienced it with his recent injury. I have experienced it, and although I’ve always been able to handle it, WHY WOULD I KEEP IGNORING THE SIGNS?! No judgement… the world tells you what you need versus asking. But that’s now your responsibility. “Do your best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”- Maya Angelou.
Now ya know better. The self-sacrificing bullsh*t is a thing of the past, it builds resentment that only affects you when people don’t appreciate it, and it will inevitably impact your physical and mental health negatively.
BE SELFISH and protect your energy first and foremost. Take time to get to know yourself, know what sets you off, what replenishes you, and start to learn what your body is asking for. Our physical body is so freaking amazing that if we’re able to just shut up and listen to it, without others telling you what you “need to do,” you’ll absolutely feel better. Maybe not immediately, because change is hard, especially when other people aren’t in the same mindset, and our body likes consistency. But, if you make slow intentional changes, your body can adapt and you can have a better relationship with yourself. If you have a better relationship with yourself, you’ll have an easier time making progress because you won’t be working against yourself, or trying to be someone/something else. Even if you love caring for others like we do, you still need to make sure you’re doing what you need to be your best self.
Thanks for reading, it’s good to be back, and take a few deep breaths to see what you’re feeling right now.
Later peeps!
❤ Shea
ownfitnesspnw.com 